Que sera sera...

My friend: How old do you think she is?
Cousin: Don’t know (judging by the shorts, flimsy bag and nerdy glasses) umm... 21?
My friend: Dude she’s 23 and she has her own business.
Cousin: aa nice…

Clearly they were talking about me. 2 months ago it was a big deal for most people I knew that I had started my own PR firm. I am super tall but I still don’t look old enough to own a company (thankfully). It dint hit me till everyone around me started talking about it. To be honest I did not think it was a big deal cause in the beginning all we did was do a little bit work and watch LOST most of the time (thanks to Tejal’s obsession)

Now 4 months down there’s a new office and new people and all that. Clients don’t let us live, there’s no time to watch tv (shit) and to be with my computer(yes I have an OCD to switch on my computer at least once a day.. I really don’t know why). Ok to be honest I love it, it nice to be busy and have the routine of visiting the chai wala and taking dabba to office everyday. I mean all this is very new to me. Teaching children was very exciting, but this is a different ball game. I get to write... how cool is that!

New business is like having a relationship. There are too many firsts. First media call, first document, first formal mail, first crush on a client (oops!) staying up in the night just because you want to do everything on time, spending entire days for events, crazy phone bills and hickies… or well dark circles. Trust me it’s almost orgasmic. Now I have never been in a relationship long enough to know what happens after firsts (oh c’mon don’t judge me, I like pricks) but I have heard from friends that after the initial lovey, dovey, mushy bit, comes the most important part of the relationship- the sustenance part. Now in my entire life I have never done it. I mean I have never worked for anything I wanted, I’m one of those fortunate ones that luck favours (touchwood seriously) but that’s kind of made me handicap. Hard work is something I have done only twice in my life (ok seriously stop judging) rest everything has simply ‘happened’ to me (luck by chance).

I have never really got how these people can be in a relationship for like years and then get married. WHAT DO YOU GUYS DO? I asked my cousin who has been with this (really nice) guy since 3.5 years now. They would get married after another 1-2 years and apparently ‘live happily ever after’ she said, “There’s so much to do, we go out, we talk all the time… etc.” now this girl is younger to me but way more saner and emotionally and mentally sorted. But still ‘DON’T YOU GET BORED?’

It sometimes hurts to be too intelligent and get things fast because then nothing is left. I figure out things and people so fast, what more is left. And I can see that happening for Crisscross (the company name) too. I love it, especially since there is so much to learn and know. I know there something like ‘know it all’ but there is something like ‘know enough to lose interest’? And that is exactly what I suffer from.

I never took my commitment phobia (ok go ahead judge me) seriously until Crisscross came along. Now there are too many questions. What if I screw up? What if I lose interest? What if I put all the effort and emotions and then it goes wrong? I am taking a plunge, it’s just like me to risk everything and walk out, what if I do it here? All these questions and obviously no answer. They say it comes with time. Well I have been waiting since 23 years, when is ‘IT’ coming?

Being an unofficial psychiatrist myself(I'm a natural, trust me), there’s none of those psychological things that will work on me and patience is not in my blood (literally I have a family full of impatient people) so do I am enjoying now, but its about time I took responsibility. Crisscross is a big step, I cannot let things ‘happen’ to me. So what do I do? Time for some ice cream… I think! (Ice cream makes questions of life disappear :D)