This is enitirely work of fiction. Any resemblence to a living or a dead person is an absolute coincidence. The writer is not to be held responsible or sarcasticly taunted.... heheheh
(this is for all u ppl who think its autobiographical...:P)
“Baby, please I need more time… don’t do this to me… you know I can’t function without you!” Vishwa pleaded in a stern voice. “You cannot expect me to take over night decisions, come on Sufi!!!”
“Vish, what do you want me to do, wait for you till you decide if you want to be with me or no, I know I’m being irrational but you know how I am, you knew it before u first kissed me. And now if you have to TAKE TIME to think it over, fine… do that but I am not wasting my time” She said in the most hurting way. In a fit of desperation and rage he shouted, “How can you be so freaking cold Suf! If it was so easy for me to move on I would have left you long back… why don’t you understand that I love you, I can’t live without you… I don’t want to move on… I want to be with you… you can just move on with the list of men in your life… I don’t know if you even need me anymore.”
“Yes I am cold and I have lot of men who can make me happy… I’m not going to wait for someone who needs time to think if he even wants to be with me!!!... Just go away Vish you took away my best friend and the love of my life… you want to hear more you are a liar...and I don’t want to see you anymore…!” she screamt and cried out. He banged the door behind him and she sobbed uncontrollably and closed her eyes.
‘BANG!’ the window moved. She woke up with a startle. Sufi dint realise when she’d fallen asleep. Her cheeks were marked with kohl stained tears. She was surprised and sad coz she remembered their first fight like it was still alive. She sat there on the couch thinking of the moment when the best friends melted into lovers. She remembered their first kiss.
“Why are you so quiet?” Vishwa asked. “Huh!” Sufi looked at him lost. “You can’t possibly be sleepy… wake up sleepy head!” he asked ruffling her hair. “Vishy, come on...” she made a sad face, rubbed her nose against his shoulder and closed her eyes. He just looked at her with a broad smile. He loved it when she did that, and she loved hugging his arm and sleeping on his shoulder. He looked at her, her eyes closed and nose scrounged up. In a sudden urge of passion and bouts of love he kissed her. She was in a shock for few seconds. Then to his surprise, she kissed him back. He held her and whispered, “I love you Sufi!”
“I’m scared!” she said. “There is nothing in this world that is more important for me than you. I’ll never leave u.” He looked at her. She smiled shyly and mocked at him, “Lair!” And they both laughed. He hugged her and whispered sweet things in her ears. She kept listening to him as soft tears fell out of her eyes.
Sitting near the banging window, now, she did not feel like wiping her tears. She went near the table and opened the file with his papers. The first one said, ‘Great write up Suf. Baby never stop writing I love it. And I love you. Kisses’, after flipping through all the papers she read a small news paper cut out. “Liar” she said out aloud. And put his obituary note inside the file. She kept his picture on the table, felt his frame and started to write. This was the first time she was writing without him.
Dec 23, 2006
Nov 11, 2006
I'll see you around...
“Yeah I’ll be there...” she sighed, drawing imaginary lines around her phone. “yea I know want I want to wear… thx c u there”. Shar hung up the phone as if damming it to hell. She was angry. Angry at everything. She shook her head and put on some music at the loudest possible volume in the hopes to shut out her thoughts. Nothing was helping her. Her anger was irrational and for some reason she couldn’t seem to help it. She undressed and went for a shower. As hot water ran through her hair she stood in the shower just not knowing what to do. Her eyes seemed to give it away. Somehow the tears seemed hotter than the shower. Finally, she thought. She was tired of wanting to feel secure wanting to be happy and basically just wanting.
Shar dressed into simple black low neck top and a denim mini, it was jus perfect with the heels. She took a deep breath and gave a broad smile. It was her Vishesh’s birthday party. Although for people they were best friends. She knew he was just not there anymore. She put on a brave face and entered the place with blaring beats and chilling ac. She danced like never before. The combination of music, whisky and anger proved deadly for her. She was used men staring at her as a hot object but then some guy over the bar was looking at her like she’s from outer space. She wondered as sat near the bar. But she couldn’t help but look back at that guy. ‘What the hell’ she thought. She went upto him and asked, “Excuse me. But I…I?” He replied, “Do you know who u r?” “What?” she reacted? He laughed. “Forget it. So what’s u doing?” she looked at him confused and doubtfully. “Umm... Alright. Look im sorry I got to go dance with friends.” As she was leaving, he held her hand and asked. “…or u could just hang out here and dance with Me.” she did not know what happened to her. He was shorter to her and slightly fat; he wasn’t even a great dancer. But somehow she had one of the best times with him. She laughed a lot and it was like she had forgotten about everything else in the world.
It was time for her to leave now. She looked at her friends and looked at him. He jus smiled, kissed her hand lightly and gestured her to go. “I’ll see u around” he said. She left looking at him still confused. On the way back she realised she spend her night with someone whom she didn’t even know. She couldn’t stop smiling and was still wondering.
Many months passed by... She had forgotten about Vishesh and almost all her friends. Shar had many flings and dated many men But she never forgot that one night. Many a times she went to the same place but never saw him around. She got ready and walked on the road. The sun hit her face and reflected on her short curls that almost covering her face. She was trying to handle her files, books and heels as she walked briskly. As she was crossing the road she almost tripped over her heels near the foot path and a car screeched and stopped. She tried straightened her self. Someone from the car came to help. As she looked up she was bewildered. He jus looked at her and laughed. “Hey! Ru alright?” she looked at him with a smirk and said, “Do you know who ur?” they both laughed. He said, “I am Dheer by the way.” “I am Sharmishta.” As they walked near the foot path. He held her hand to so she wouldn’t trip again. She looked at him, “I don’t believe we’re meeting like this. I thought we would never meet… I… mean we should have… u know….” She was surprised at what she was saying. She saw he reflected what she felt all this time. Dheer replied, “U look very stunning urself, thanks” she jus looked at him, this time as if he was from outer space. “Ur crazy!” “So ru!!!Let’s go for coffee… no harm meant…” he said. She jus smiled and shook her head, “I’ll see u around” she shrugged and they both moved leaving light sounds of laughter behind.
Shar dressed into simple black low neck top and a denim mini, it was jus perfect with the heels. She took a deep breath and gave a broad smile. It was her Vishesh’s birthday party. Although for people they were best friends. She knew he was just not there anymore. She put on a brave face and entered the place with blaring beats and chilling ac. She danced like never before. The combination of music, whisky and anger proved deadly for her. She was used men staring at her as a hot object but then some guy over the bar was looking at her like she’s from outer space. She wondered as sat near the bar. But she couldn’t help but look back at that guy. ‘What the hell’ she thought. She went upto him and asked, “Excuse me. But I…I?” He replied, “Do you know who u r?” “What?” she reacted? He laughed. “Forget it. So what’s u doing?” she looked at him confused and doubtfully. “Umm... Alright. Look im sorry I got to go dance with friends.” As she was leaving, he held her hand and asked. “…or u could just hang out here and dance with Me.” she did not know what happened to her. He was shorter to her and slightly fat; he wasn’t even a great dancer. But somehow she had one of the best times with him. She laughed a lot and it was like she had forgotten about everything else in the world.
It was time for her to leave now. She looked at her friends and looked at him. He jus smiled, kissed her hand lightly and gestured her to go. “I’ll see u around” he said. She left looking at him still confused. On the way back she realised she spend her night with someone whom she didn’t even know. She couldn’t stop smiling and was still wondering.
Many months passed by... She had forgotten about Vishesh and almost all her friends. Shar had many flings and dated many men But she never forgot that one night. Many a times she went to the same place but never saw him around. She got ready and walked on the road. The sun hit her face and reflected on her short curls that almost covering her face. She was trying to handle her files, books and heels as she walked briskly. As she was crossing the road she almost tripped over her heels near the foot path and a car screeched and stopped. She tried straightened her self. Someone from the car came to help. As she looked up she was bewildered. He jus looked at her and laughed. “Hey! Ru alright?” she looked at him with a smirk and said, “Do you know who ur?” they both laughed. He said, “I am Dheer by the way.” “I am Sharmishta.” As they walked near the foot path. He held her hand to so she wouldn’t trip again. She looked at him, “I don’t believe we’re meeting like this. I thought we would never meet… I… mean we should have… u know….” She was surprised at what she was saying. She saw he reflected what she felt all this time. Dheer replied, “U look very stunning urself, thanks” she jus looked at him, this time as if he was from outer space. “Ur crazy!” “So ru!!!Let’s go for coffee… no harm meant…” he said. She jus smiled and shook her head, “I’ll see u around” she shrugged and they both moved leaving light sounds of laughter behind.
Sep 5, 2006
Shristi
Shristi wakes up lazily in the morning shutting her snooze finally. After her daily routine she is dressed and runs with a packed ‘dabba’ to catch the 9:55 fast to Churchgate. There she waits amongst the hundreds of other women waiting for the train. She is amongst them, amongst the massive crowd but she does not feel crowded. She and all the other women out there pretend that no one around them is really there. The train comes, with lots of effort they all board.
In the train amongst the varied women from different background and thinking, is Shristi. Everyone has their own massive world compressed into a small standing place holding the handle above or the small fourth seat with a slow fan above. Shristi has consciously switched off her thinking power during travelling, years back. This time for her is to be blank or randomly dose off in and out of sleep. She passes all the places which once upon a time inspired her to write, to be poetic, nostalgic and sometimes got a soft wet tear out of her eye. She consciously remains oblivious to that. The train finally halts at Churchgate. Shristi is one face between the hundreds rushing in and out of there. She is no one special, because she chooses not to be special.
Six months back at the same place and same time. When she walked, all eyes noticed her at least once. She liked that, she was used to that, she wanted that. Life was so much different back then. She was in love, with herself, with her surroundings with everything including HIM. She had a new job and challenges. Her love for him was enough for her to last a lifetime. Or at least that is what it felt at that time. There was a dream, there was a future. It did not matter to her whether he or the world loved her… her love was too much to bother for anything disturbing. But now, she just tries to be one in the crowd. Sometimes she observes women in the train. She can read them, their minds their thoughts. She has done it all her life. But she does not open up. She is used to the ‘Routine’. She is emotionally bankrupt.
Back in office there is a new client waiting for her, may ask her out for a date or coffee and she will refuse. Today she enters her cabin sorts out her bags and files. “Shristi, client is waiting in the board room, should I send him in your cabin?” there is an intercom from the secretary. She says ok and waits for him to enter. She is reading the account detail, when he enters. She looks at him. The same face she fell in love with, same man she could surrender to, fall down on her knees and be his forever. It was HIM. He sits. He asks her, “How have you been?” She smiles and politely responds. They have a small conversation and move toward professional talks. They do not talk about the obvious, both are too scared. And after a whole day of reading articles and checking previous history of the product, they are about to part. It is late at night. He offers to drop her home. When they reach her house he looks at her and says, “I miss you Shristi!” She looks at him. Pecks his cheek lightly and leaves.
She could cry but now it was too late. She feels fine. She finishes her work. Sleeps. Next day again wakes up with snooze. But today after getting dressed she looks in the mirror. And just blankly stares. She laughs. She realises its getting late and again leaves for a long day at work. She goes to the station and has a smile on her face, because today for the first time she is in between the crowd.
In the train amongst the varied women from different background and thinking, is Shristi. Everyone has their own massive world compressed into a small standing place holding the handle above or the small fourth seat with a slow fan above. Shristi has consciously switched off her thinking power during travelling, years back. This time for her is to be blank or randomly dose off in and out of sleep. She passes all the places which once upon a time inspired her to write, to be poetic, nostalgic and sometimes got a soft wet tear out of her eye. She consciously remains oblivious to that. The train finally halts at Churchgate. Shristi is one face between the hundreds rushing in and out of there. She is no one special, because she chooses not to be special.
Six months back at the same place and same time. When she walked, all eyes noticed her at least once. She liked that, she was used to that, she wanted that. Life was so much different back then. She was in love, with herself, with her surroundings with everything including HIM. She had a new job and challenges. Her love for him was enough for her to last a lifetime. Or at least that is what it felt at that time. There was a dream, there was a future. It did not matter to her whether he or the world loved her… her love was too much to bother for anything disturbing. But now, she just tries to be one in the crowd. Sometimes she observes women in the train. She can read them, their minds their thoughts. She has done it all her life. But she does not open up. She is used to the ‘Routine’. She is emotionally bankrupt.
Back in office there is a new client waiting for her, may ask her out for a date or coffee and she will refuse. Today she enters her cabin sorts out her bags and files. “Shristi, client is waiting in the board room, should I send him in your cabin?” there is an intercom from the secretary. She says ok and waits for him to enter. She is reading the account detail, when he enters. She looks at him. The same face she fell in love with, same man she could surrender to, fall down on her knees and be his forever. It was HIM. He sits. He asks her, “How have you been?” She smiles and politely responds. They have a small conversation and move toward professional talks. They do not talk about the obvious, both are too scared. And after a whole day of reading articles and checking previous history of the product, they are about to part. It is late at night. He offers to drop her home. When they reach her house he looks at her and says, “I miss you Shristi!” She looks at him. Pecks his cheek lightly and leaves.
She could cry but now it was too late. She feels fine. She finishes her work. Sleeps. Next day again wakes up with snooze. But today after getting dressed she looks in the mirror. And just blankly stares. She laughs. She realises its getting late and again leaves for a long day at work. She goes to the station and has a smile on her face, because today for the first time she is in between the crowd.
Aug 26, 2006
Rewind
Isn’t it ironic that when you finally sit to write the blog your net goes off… well I think that’s how life is… anyways getting bk to my ‘thoughts’…. So my nose is leaking like an open tap and head has taken inspiration from a volcano. Haven’t slept all night coz of I was busy trying to breath.
Well I went to college today in the middle of all this to get my fees refund. (Yea we’re getting a small amount back… so cool) in the office I can barely stand and my hand shiver while filling the unnecessary details. (Come on! It was the question of money... few hundred bucks all for me. Lol.) So we take our forms and enter the college premises. He lets us in from the back gate because we are not students anymore. And as we enter, there is a shrill sound ringing in my ears and suddenly something happens to me. It was the sound of the bell ringing… all of us almost startled and then break into a big grin… it has just been few months but feels like years we have experienced that feeling. The college atmosphere where people moving around in frenzy, some just sitting there for no apparent reason and guys are checking u out. The nostalgia took me back in time. Reminded me of the panwala outside which used to be our college campus. The laughter still rings in my ears like it was yesterday. The winks and smile and subtle flirting. Hours spent discussing religion and politics. I wonder how all of us have changed and moved on so fast and away. The bored, loserish teens have turned into career making over ambitious adults. I wish things get back to the way they were and in the midst of my thoughts suddenly…
I am about to trip on the steps and my friend catches me, and brings me back to reality. She laughs at how clumsy I have always been. And I realise not much has changed. Our life is habituated living around each other. To catch when one of us falls or pretend to fall when everyone does. We still have our old habits, we still have vivid discussions on religion and politics and absolute random arguments over a stone. The girls keep cribbing about men and boys still keep trying to get some. The flirting has turned into full-fledged flings. ‘Basic Instinct’ still amuses us and ‘Rang De Basanti’ makes us weep over our college life. Life moves on changes happen. Most of them which we do not like in the beginning, but the deep rooted philosophy, of complex relationships, that we learn and experience lives in us forever. That’s how life is you cherish memories and move on. And once in a while rewind time by a simple ring of the bell.
We are just about to leave and just when I am hailing for an auto rickshaw, my friends stops me. We know we can afford an auto as we are not broke and begging for pocket money, but still we decide to go by our same old bus 253 and try and relive our old memories. And as we get into the crowded bus I smile at my friend who is reflecting the exact same thoughts.
Well I went to college today in the middle of all this to get my fees refund. (Yea we’re getting a small amount back… so cool) in the office I can barely stand and my hand shiver while filling the unnecessary details. (Come on! It was the question of money... few hundred bucks all for me. Lol.) So we take our forms and enter the college premises. He lets us in from the back gate because we are not students anymore. And as we enter, there is a shrill sound ringing in my ears and suddenly something happens to me. It was the sound of the bell ringing… all of us almost startled and then break into a big grin… it has just been few months but feels like years we have experienced that feeling. The college atmosphere where people moving around in frenzy, some just sitting there for no apparent reason and guys are checking u out. The nostalgia took me back in time. Reminded me of the panwala outside which used to be our college campus. The laughter still rings in my ears like it was yesterday. The winks and smile and subtle flirting. Hours spent discussing religion and politics. I wonder how all of us have changed and moved on so fast and away. The bored, loserish teens have turned into career making over ambitious adults. I wish things get back to the way they were and in the midst of my thoughts suddenly…
I am about to trip on the steps and my friend catches me, and brings me back to reality. She laughs at how clumsy I have always been. And I realise not much has changed. Our life is habituated living around each other. To catch when one of us falls or pretend to fall when everyone does. We still have our old habits, we still have vivid discussions on religion and politics and absolute random arguments over a stone. The girls keep cribbing about men and boys still keep trying to get some. The flirting has turned into full-fledged flings. ‘Basic Instinct’ still amuses us and ‘Rang De Basanti’ makes us weep over our college life. Life moves on changes happen. Most of them which we do not like in the beginning, but the deep rooted philosophy, of complex relationships, that we learn and experience lives in us forever. That’s how life is you cherish memories and move on. And once in a while rewind time by a simple ring of the bell.
We are just about to leave and just when I am hailing for an auto rickshaw, my friends stops me. We know we can afford an auto as we are not broke and begging for pocket money, but still we decide to go by our same old bus 253 and try and relive our old memories. And as we get into the crowded bus I smile at my friend who is reflecting the exact same thoughts.
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