Loving you.

(its slightly immature but simply what it feels like to be in denial abt accepting feelings. do comment. dedicated to: the stranger who makes us deny.)

Walking all alone in the shady lane,

In the dense darkness of night,

I try to compare what is worse,

This fear or loving you with all my might.

Listening to that song we heard on repeat,

Trying to make my memories tangible,

And as sobs grow louder, I realize,

Loving you is lot more painful.

Falling for you is lot more hurtful.

I say to myself, while

I fall flat on my face in a puddle,

And it still rains on heavily.

Nothing can be worse than,

Knowing that I love you.

Not even getting older,

Not even cancer.

Went through all your SMSes the other day,

Some made me smile, and some cry.

And some left me blank and numb,

Not feeling, is better than feeling for you.

That day I slept with another man,

So I could unlove you.

But felt like someone shot my heart,

When all I could see and feel was you.

Sunlight burnt my eyes, after I woke up.

I shut all the doors and windows,

I ran away when they told me ‘You love him’,

Not knowing it would reach faster in closed doors.

I am trying hard to remember your kisses,

And your face, that’s very blurred picture now.

I only know when tears wet my shirt that,

Even missing you is better than loving you.